Working moms are a part of our society. In our faith, we are taught that it is better for moms to stay home with the children, and when this is possible, it is wonderful. There are some situations, though, that require mothers to work outside the home.

President Ezra Taft Benson has said in an November 1981 article, "Many of you often find yourselves in circumstances that are not always ideal who, because of necessity, must work and leave your children with others."

Because we all don't live in a perfect world, it's wise to encourage our daughters to educate themselves and have a marketable skill. If the occasion arises, she can work at a job that utilizes her strengths and skills and helps her to be a contributing member of the workforce.

One thing that is noticeable in LDS society, at least in Utah where I live, is that there is a bit of a chasm between the working and stay-at-home moms. I have been in both situations in my life. When I was a stay-at-home mom, it seemed working moms felt their time was more valuable than mine. If a big job came up in PTA or Primary, I always heard, "give it to the stay-home moms, they don't have anything else to do!"

When I was a working mom, I felt that stay-at-home moms kind of looked down at me. I would have thoughts like, "Do I really need to be away from my kids? Was I really raising them right?"

This rift between working moms and stay-at-home moms and the misunderstandings that surround both can cause hurt feelings. What we really need to do is cast these old thoughts or stereotypes aside and work on making the worldwide sisterhood stronger and better. We need to be more empathetic to each others needs and less likely to judge someone by whether or not she is employed outside her home.

Working mothers have a lot on their minds. They, like all people, just want to be understood and valued for the contribution they make to society. I talked with several working moms to find out how they handled working outside the home and taking care of their most valuable assets -- their families. Here are there words and mine:

As I stated before, I have been both a stay-at-home mom and have had a career. When I worked, I had the advantage of a husband that does shift work. Our kids only had to be alone a couple of evenings a week while I worked. I accredit many things to making our lives successful during this time. The crock pot was one of my best friends and made feeding my family a lot easier. Living near family and having wonderful neighbors also helped. My older girls were in charge. They were old enough to take this responsibility and although there were occasional issues, mom was a phone call away and the fact that my job allowed me brief personal calls was a huge bonus.

Even though I was a working mom, I was home when my kids needed me. I usually worked the night shift so that I would be home in the morning to get them off to school and be home when they arrived home. I am a very firm believer that the older they get the more they need mom home after school to talk.

Even when I did have to work days, I found bedtime chats were a great way to keep the lines of communication open with my kids. My older kids that have since left home and moved away even insist on this when they return to visit. (It is fun to see my married daughter chat with her little ones after bedtime stories and before prayer.) I think the key is to let the kids know how much they matter. I loved my job and felt that as a nurse I was making a difference in the world. I was lucky enough to work at a nursing home, and involved my kids in volunteer work. They often visited residents, put on musical programs and just really enjoyed meeting the wonderful people I worked with. So if you have the opportunity to let your kids into your work world a little bit, I think it is well worth it.

Sue Nielson (Monroe Utah Stake) is a retired working mom. She didn't work the entire time her kids were growing up, and she has definite opinions on how to make it work. Her biggest advise is to know who your kids are with and what they are doing. She has these tips:

• If they need to be in day care, you must research it carefully.

• The biggest challenge she found was when her kids were too old for day care or a baby-sitter.

• Keep track of their friends is key. Invite their friends into your home when you can get to know them.

• Talk with the friends' parents and find out if it is an option for your child to be in their home after school. While they are there, make sure they follows the other family's rules.

• If kids will be home alone for a while, you really need to have structure in place. Sue didn't allow the kids to have friends over while they were alone without prior permission from her and the other kid's parents.

• If television or Internet access is a problem, find ways to monitor or lock out things you don't want your kids to stumble into. There are many Internet security measures available and most newer televisions have the "v-chip."

• Make sure they have tasks and emphasize the value of them getting their homework done early.

Sue stresses that even working moms should be abreast of all the things that are going on in their children's lives. Programs at school, church activities, parties that require a gift, a batches of cookies your child forgot to mention until the night before they were needed, are all things that can be effortless for a working mom if she has done prior planning.

• Make a point of attending parent-teacher conferences. If you cannot attend, maybe your spouse could go. Even if you can't make the arranged day for conferences, maybe you could schedule a brief private appointment. Even a phone or email conference would work in lieu of meeting face-to-face.

• Keep a calendar to note programs, parties, friends‚ birthdays, and anything that is important to your children.

• Some last-minute fixes include: a package of cookies tucked away in a storage room, an extra batch in the freezer, little gifts and gift bags bought at a great sale or dollar store and put away for emergencies can be a life saver for a working mom who can't just run to the store or bake cookies before work. It's also a good idea to have generic wrapping paper and a couple of presents that could work for many occasions. This is a good idea for any mom - working or stay-at-home.

• Even if you are tired at the end of your day, make a time to talk, really talk to your kids no matter what their age. Make sure they get their reading done, or that you read to them.

• Also find a time, many use dinner time, as a time each day that the family can share and communicate, study scriptures and feel the love of good parents that may just have to work outside the home.

• Be as involved in the kids activities as you possibly can. The people who seem to accomplish the most are often the busiest people, they have learned to master time and that's what being a successful working mom is all about.

Marcee Thomson (Las Vegas Nevada) is a married mother of two whose finishing her degree in elementary education as well as being a part-time elementary school substitute. She is quick to point out that she couldn't be finishing her education without a lot of family support. Her husband is very supportive as are his parents. They take her two small children to their home when Marcee has important papers, etc. due. Did her family influence her decision to become a teacher? You bet! She wanted to have a job she could love that would also offer her a schedule similar to her children. She wants her children to be raised by their family, not baby-sitters, television or their friends.

Cami* is a single working mom. She lives in a rural community and hasn't always had an easy time working and raising her daughters. Her ex-husband is in prison, and she is the sole provider for her family. In addition, she also has a child with a birth injury, meaning she has to drive to a large city for specialists and therapists.

Right after she moved into her neighborhood, people were not exactly knocking on her door to be her friend. Since her life was really complicated, though, she was okay with that. Then word got out that she had to make these trips to the city, work, handle the housework which included repair, maintenance and yard work. She says her neighbors literally saved her life.

At the time, she was not active in the Church because she was worried what people would say when they found out about her ex-husband and that she was a single working mom. Even though her family was supportive, her neighbors and the Relief Society sisters in her ward picked up the slack in any way they could. They provided meals, yard work, rides to the city, respite care so Cami could have a haircut, or lunch with a friend. They watched over her and treated her so well, even asking her to speak in Relief Society about the challenges of single-parent families. Because of their love for her, today she is a happy, productive, and still a working mom. She has two grandchildren and her younger daughter has overcome her hurdles and will graduate from high school in a couple of years with her class. Cami says the main key is to not be afraid to ask for help.

"Everyone needs help, if we didn't there would have been no reason for the Savior's atonement," Cami said. "Everyone of us has taken on the name of Jesus Christ and promised to live as he did. If he needed help, he asked. If he saw a need that someone else had, he acted. In this way we can overcome the gap of working versus stay-home moms in the Church and in the world. When we are Christlike, we can build and help each other and find that even when we are the recipients of the good will of our neighbors, we too have something to contribute to the general good, whether by the work we do or the example we set."

*(Name changed to protect privacy).

Karyn Lee (Salt Lake City,Utah) says that she is lucky enough to work with women she really gets along well with.

"If you are going to spend six to 12 hours away from your family, it is important that your job be a good fit," Karyn said. "One reason for this is that a working mom's work environment is a large part of her social life. When she gets home, she often is too tired or busy to go out with friends, and social occasions are one thing that can be cut out to give her more time with her family."

Karyn explains that organization is the key to her being a sane working mom. She keeps a day-planner and also keeps a sheet listing the day's activities on her fridge. That way whichever parent is home knows what is going on with each member of the family. Her husband travels for his job so there are times when she must employ a baby-sitter. She notes that references should be carefully researched, not just looked over.

"You can't be too careful when it comes to your children's welfare."

She feels that life does sometimes get hectic, but with careful planning and including the Lord in your decisions makes it easier to get from day to day.

Working wife and mom Cozette Dennis (Richfield Utah Stake) also has a unique situation and methods in which to deal. Her ex-husband has her kids every other weekend and every other holiday. He is of another faith, and the kids kind of dread his weekends because things are so different in his home. To help them cope, Cozette makes sure they each have their own blanket and special toy. They have family that lives somewhat near to their father and have phone numbers to call if things are really uncomfortable for them. This arrangement takes an enormous amount of planning and organization, so she felt that she needed a job that would give her maximum time with her children. Cozette looked got a job at the local school district.

It just takes careful thought and putting the children as highest priority. Working mothers are a fact of life in our world. It isn't easy for them to leave their children, especially if they must be left in day care or with a non-family member. There are keys to making the situation work, however.

Barbara W. Winder stated, "We urge also that Relief Society leaders make certain that they include those mothers in Relief Society callings and that lessons and programs address their needs. We hope that husbands, home teachers, and visiting teachers will give them encouragement and positive reinforcement in the demanding role that is theirs, for we know that in spite of their added working role they still must provide the emotional support that children need. In addition to the obvious physical needs of children, there are other aspects of a child's life that should not be neglected even though a mother has employment outside the home."