With more and more news about war and terrorism, many children and their parents are feeling a loss of safety and security.

Children may jump in response to a loud sound or siren. Aircraft overhead may bring questions of impending peril. Some children have trouble sleeping at night due to this heightened fear. Some may be acting out in school or at home. Older children may be confused by questions of why we are invading another country when there are so many people around the world demonstrating against the war.

We all share concerns about the war and our own safety, but as adults it is our responsibility to help our children cope.

Richard Gallagher, director of the Parenting Institute at the New York University Child Study Center, says preschool-age children should be shielded from news of the war and possible terrorism. Vivid images on TV can be extremely upsetting to these young children.

All experts agree that children should have an opportunity to talk about their fears and feelings with an adult that they trust. They should be allowed to ask questions and have those questions answered honestly.

"It's important to let the child give you hints and follow
a child's lead in what they are ready to talk about."
- Judith Myers-Walls

Judith Myers-Walls, an associate professor and human development specialist at Purdue University's Department of Child Development and Family Studies advises that especially with young children, reassurance is imperative. "I think telling kids, 'No matter what, I will do everything I can to keep you safe and no matter what happens, I love you' is all they need to know," she says.

The National Center for Children Exposed to Violence at the Yale Child Study Center has prepared a guide for parents to talk to their children about war. The guide recommends the following:

• Do not assume you know what your children are thinking
  and feeling.
• Create a safe and comfortable environment to talk to them.
• Take cues from them regarding how much they want to
  discuss what is going on in the world.
• It is important that routine and structure are maintained in
  children’s lives and that they continue to enjoy life with
  their friends and family.

The guide also suggests questions children may ask and provides answers parents can give; reactions children may have and ways to handle those reactions; places for parents to seek further assistance. A copy of this guide is available at http://www.truenet.net.

Los Angeles psychologist Robert R. Butterworth suggests that parents conduct their own “child’s war briefing,” in which they provide clear explanations of the news. He uses maps, toy tanks, soldiers, and aircraft to explain the war and allows children the opportunity to share their feelings.

"The crucial point for parents is not blocking out
the war news to children, but explaining war facts
truthfully to children according to their age and
emotional development." - Robert R. Butterworth

Experts seem to agree that although excessive exposure to the images and talk of war can be harmful, trying to avoid all coverage can also send the wrong message. By not talking Myers-Walls says, "Parents have given the impression that this is a taboo subject. And pretty soon, you've got neither side talking to the other and not helping to support each other through a tough situation."

Myers-Walls suggests parents seek "teachable moments" to talk with their children about values, fundamental principles, morality, faith and hope for a better, safer world. She adds that it is essential to avoid stereotyping by religion or nationality, and encourages parents to speak of bad actions, not bad people.

"Help children understand that people can choose their behaviors," she says. "Even if they have done something bad in the past, they can choose to do something good in the future."

Families in the Boston Massachessetts Stake are coming together to show their support for our service people in the Middle East through a project spearheaded by their Young Men and Young Women. They are adopting soldiers and sending them care packages that include a gift for a child in Iraq.

Above all, it is important to remember the words of our Prophet, Gordon B. Hinckley as he addressed an assembly of students and faculty at Brigham Young University on 18 March 2003:

"It appears that the nation, of which most of us are citizens, is inexorably moving toward war. These are solemn and perilous times. If there be any of our number in the reserves or National Guard who have been called to duty, we extend our greatest appreciation and our love and respect to them and to the families they have left behind. We pray with earnestness and with faith that God will watch over them and preserve them and return them unharmed to those who love them most.

In such times as this we feel the great inequality of
sacrifice when men and women are called to active
duty in behalf of the country. May those of us who
are spared of such sacrifice never be proud or
arrogant, but rather humbly grateful for those who
lay their lives on the line in time of war."