We should not confuse wants with needs.

In the May 1999 Ensign article, "Greed, Selfishness and Overindulgence," Elder Joe J. Christensen outlined four principles to live by to combat the growing problem of selfishness. First, he said, “We should not confuse wants with needs. If we are not careful, it is easy for our wants to become needs.”

This is true for children and adults alike. However, while our children are small, that is the time to teach them the true difference between wants and needs. Teach them that needs are things that are necessary for our survival. Wants are anything else, including those things we desire that make all of our lives extremely comfortable. Doing this will make it easier on them to stick to a budget and stay out of debt as they grow up and discern what they need to start their own lives.

Avoid spoiling children by giving them too much.

Elder Christensen goes on to principle number two, “avoid spoiling children by giving them too much. Whether you are well-to-do or, like most of us, of more modest means, we as parents often attempt to provide children with almost everything they want thus taking away from them the blessing of anticipating, of longing for something they do not have. One of the most important things we can teach our children is to deny themselves. Instant gratification generally makes for weak people. How many truly great individuals do you know who never had to struggle?... All too many enter marriage who have never learned to cook, sew, or develop other important life skills. Ignorance of these needed skills, along with the lack of understanding of the management of money, sow the seeds for many failures in our children’s marriages”

Oft times you hear of children going off to college never having their wants denied. In these cases, they are often at a disadvantage when the trials of life come their way and they no longer have their parents around to help them out of every situation. Or of children who refuse to take no for an answer from anyone in authority simply because they have never heard the word from their own parents.

In a BYU devotional, Elder Neal A. Maxwell said, “A few of our wonderful youth and young adults in the Church are unstretched. They have almost a free pass. Perks are provided, including cars complete with fuel and insurance—all paid for by parents who sometimes listen in vain for a few courteous and appreciative words. What is thus taken for granted … tends to underwrite selfishness and a sense of entitlement.”

Live modestly and avoid debt as if it were a plague

Principle number three, “live modestly and avoid debt as if it were a plague.” It is our responsibility to teach our children that even though we have the money to spend, it does not always mean we should spend it. We should include our children in our planning for a year’s supply of food and savings in order to help them understand how and why we should be prepared.

It may be a wise and great lesson to set up a savings program for our children while they are young. Implement clear standards for where any money your children have should go. Make sure 10 percent goes to tithing, a percentage for savings and then be ready to discuss where the rest of the money should go. Allowance for wants? Giving to the needy? Saving up for a larger purpose? Whatever is decided, make sure the family policy is clearly understood.

Be generous in giving and sharing with others.

Elder Christensen’s fourth principle is to “be generous in giving and sharing with others. The more our hearts and minds are turned to assisting others less fortunate than we, the more we will avoid the spiritually cankering effects that result from greed, selfishness, and overindulgence. Our resources are a stewardship, not our possessions. I am confident that we will literally be called upon to make an accounting before God concerning how we have used them to bless lives and build the kingdom.”

Family Home Evenings can center on service and projects can be set up for our children to learn to serve and give and understand sacrifice. This exercise can make our children more centered on Christ and also understand how blessed their lives are. Gratitude is an important virtue to instill in our children, the younger the better.

Whether we want to save our children from the heartbreak of disappointment or find it’s just easier to give in, we need to remember we are not doing them any favors by indulging their every want. Character is built by bridling passions. It is parents’ responsibility to help guide their children to be the best they can be and in doing so, saying no is one way to accomplish that.

Other Reading:
Dean Jarman, “The Blessings of Family Work Projects,” Ensign, Nov. 1982
Ezra Taft Benson, “Prepare for the Days of Tribulation,” Ensign, Nov. 1980
Franklin D. Richards, “Personal and Family Financial Preparedness,” Ensign, May 1979
D. Ray Thomas, “Tips for Raising Stronger Families,” Ensign, June 2000
Victor L. Brown, “Fast Offerings: Fulfilling Our Responsibility to Others,” Ensign, May 1981