“Surely no one reading the scriptures, both ancient and modern, can doubt the divine concept of marriage. The sweetest feelings of life, the most generous and satisfying impulses of the human heart, find expression in a marriage that stands pure and unsullied above the evil of the world….. I am satisfied that a happy marriage is not so much a matter of romance as it is an anxious concern for the comfort and well-being of one’s companion.”

-President Gordon B. Hinckley (Ensign, May 1991)

Marriage can be the greatest blessing in our lives and can also be a source of great heartache. How do we as LDS women make our marriages a blessing, not only for us, but for our family, ward and community?

Many experts in the field of marriage and family counseling count communication as the key to a strong and happy marriage.

“Keep talking, even when it’s tough," Dr. Brent Barlow said in Fifteen Tips for a Better Marriage. "Barriers of silence and non meaningful communication only grow and become impenetrable. The more difficult it seems, the more important it is to keep communicating.”

According to Richard Lindford in "Steps to Bringing More Joy into Marriages," (Church News, September 2 1984), there are things couples can do to improve their communication skills:

•Take the time to listen

• Make eye contact

• Ask questions

• Talk less than you listen

• Repeat back to avoid misunderstandings

• Listen to each other's prayers

Some couples find it helpful to draw up and sign an actual marriage contract or pledge. It could be as formal as any legal document or as informal as a love note. We are taught to put our goals on paper; this makes them more real to us and we are more apt to follow through. Having a strong marriage should be an important enough goal that we are willing to commit to paper and signatures.
Dr. Jo Ann Larsen, DSW, gave four hints in her column, “Family Corner” (Deseret News,November 12, 1988). She says that couples should put their marriage first, become good friends, acknowledge each others strengths and opt for an imperfect marriage.

Another key ingredient in marriage is feeling loved, the need of being appreciated, and wanted.

"Within each of us there is an intense need to feel that we belong," Elder William R. Bradford said in 1987 Conference Report. "This feeling of unity and togetherness comes through the warmth of a smile, a handshake, or a hug, through laughter and unspoken demonstrations of love. It comes in the quiet, reverent moments of soft conversation, and in listening. It comes from a still, small voice reminding us that we are brothers and sisters, the children of a Heavenly Father."

The following ideas were found in a Relief Society handout circa 1998. The author is unidentified.

We should provide each other three “Love Meals” a day, three times when you are actively focusing on loving each other for three minutes.

-Three minutes before you get up in the morning.
-Three minutes at lunch (even if on the phone, or before supper).
-Three minutes after the kids are in bed.

Provide daily “Love Snacks.” These only take a few seconds but can create instant connections.

-A kiss.
-A compliment.
-A quick “I love you.”

Be sure to have your love diet balanced from the three basic food groups- the three A’s.

-Attention
Give your spouse 100 percent of your attention. Be in the moment with the person that you love.

-Affection
Giving physical intimacy, i.e., touching, holding, being physically close. Not necessarily sexual. We all need that gentle touch that soothes and heals our bodies and helps us connect as a couple.

-Appreciation
Demonstrate your love verbally. Take the time to tell your partner what it is that you love about him, what you are grateful for and how pleased you are with him. Love is a choice you can make from moment to moment. You choose to show it and share it.

Sometimes despite our efforts, problems arise. These problems come in as many forms as there are couples. There are also numerous ways to mend or change these trials. Prayer is always the first step. We have been promised comfort by our Savior.

John 14:18 “I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.”

We are also fortunate to have wonderful resources available to us. We each have a bishop who can help us or give us referrals for professional counseling. LDS Family Services is one way to obtain counseling and other services as we need them. Tawnya Gibson, Forest Grove 2nd ward, Hillsboro Oregon stake, USA, says some universities offer inexpensive counseling options.

"It was an excellent resource for me with little or no money, and when LDS social services wasn't an option,” Tawnya said. “Some things shouldn't be overlooked, just because you are on a tight budget; mostly marriage counseling. Most Universities have "almost done" grad students in marriage and family counseling that need patients (for their practice - like a teaching hospital). Most of the time there is a nominal fee, but it's very small or done on a sliding scale. All counseling is done in conjunction with a faculty member (licensed), so the quality isn't diminished, it just takes a little longer!"

Undoubtedly marriage is a challenge. Blending two personalities, habits, strengths and weaknesses takes time and work. We have the opportunity to be sealed to our sweethearts for eternity. We have promises and assurances that our love does not die with our physical bodies. We have help all around us, if we will use it. We need this relationship.

I Corinthians 11:11 says: “Neither is the man without the woman or the woman without the man, in the Lord.”

President Marion G. Romney said in the 1983 Conference Report, "There is but one way that we can be united, and that way is to seek the Lord and his righteousness. (See 3 Nephi 13:33.) Unity comes by following the light from above."

We need to, and can make the most of our chance for eternal happiness. We have the means to build that rock solid marriage that we all want.