|
By Barbara Wittwer,
Rockwood 2nd Ward, St Louis, MO Stake
Special to Mormonchic.com
The Golden Rule "Now
honey, this relationship should be casual enough for him to date
other girls without you getting jealous, and for you to see other
boys without him getting jealous."
This is the only piece of dating advice that my
father has ever given me. Seeing as how I am 17 that could change,
but as of now Dad hasn’t added or subtracted anything from
his dating rule of thumb.
In my own dating experiences I have found this golden
rule to be quite impossible. It’s human nature to be possessive.
I often found myself feeling jealous if a boy I liked talked to
another girl, let alone dated her. But still I keep my dad’s
words of wisdom in the back of my mind and have tried to establish
a friendly, fun dating atmosphere, instead of one of intense feelings
and stressing about the “relationship.” If it weren’t
for my father’s council I wouldn’t have some of the
friends I do today, and I would most likely be engulfed by my
own jealousy. Even though my dad’s advice isn’t the
most profound, and is next to impossible to follow, it has stuck
with me.
I believe that all parents should talk to their
children and teenagers about the specific standards of dating.
It will instill the parents’ values in their children, and
help give another nudge in the right direction.
“For Strength of Youth”
The basic standards for LDS teenagers are found in the “For
the Strength of Youth,” a pamphlet put out by the First Presidency
of the Church. It was written for youth, their teachers, and their
parents, to read and learn about the proper standards for Church
members. Dating is specifically mentioned here, and from all of
the Young Women and Family Home Evening (FHE) lessons I’ve
had on that section, I can almost quote it word for word: "In
cultures where dating is appropriate, do not date until you’re
16." The section goes on to discuss proper conduct while
on a date, exclusive dating, group dates, and the activities that
should take place on a date.
Not Just What, but Where
This pamphlet is a valuable asset for parents if then need a reference
point to fall back on. As I mentioned earlier I have had many
a FHE lesson based on the guidelines listed in the “For the
Strength of Youth” pamphlet. Also the subject of dating standards
can be brought up in a less formal setting. Some of my favorite
memories with my parents are of conversations we’ve had while
driving, cooking, watching TV, etc. Many of these informal conversations
were about dates, parties, or some previous events with my friends.
Usually, teenagers are more willing to listen to casual, less-lecture-sounding
advice and take it to heart, than the same information communicated
during a lesson or class. Also when parents talk to their kids
they bond, and it helps to grow trust between both parties.
After All You Can Do
When it all comes down to it though, trust is the bottom line.
Parents can only say and do so much. There will come a time when
kids will be out on a date and will have to rely on only themselves
to do the right thing and make correct decisions. It is during
these times that they will draw from on the conversations, advice,
and hints from their parents, and choose whether or not to follow
them. I know this is true because I have gone through this scenario
many times. I am grateful to all of my Young Women leaders, teachers,
and especially my family for all of their council and guidance
on the subject of dating standards. I am so thankful for the First
Presidency who outlined those standards in the “For the Strength
of Youth” pamphlet. I encourage all parents to be ready and
willing to talk with their children, and to be patient with them
as they choose their path, and decide their future.
Barbara is the Laurel president in her ward.
|
|
The Church's online
distribution center is a wonderful resource for
books & pamphlets about talking with your teens.
Here are some that we love. Most are free; some
have minimal cost to cover publishing.
|
| |
|
|
|
|
