Bringing Out the Super Dad in Your Husband
By Shauna Belknap, staff writer

Some dads are super dads. They are what you call the "hands-on" dad. They change diapers, feed children, give baths, read bedtime stories, volunteer in Scouts, help with science projects and help with the household chores. If you have one of these husbands - this article is not for you. This article is aimed for the women with husbands that might be slow to help with the laundry, turn their noises up to stinky diapers and have a hard time playing with their kids when a sports game is on. If you have one of these kinds of husbands, keep reading.

Mothers Day has come and gone again and some may have been a little bit disappointed that they didn’t get the royal treatment in honor of the holiday. Many moms made Sunday dinner just as they do every week, got kids ready for bed just as they do every night, and managed the sibling squabbles just as they do every hour. Why didn’t dad chip in more? Is there a way to better involve dad, and just not on Mother’s Day? The following tips might lighten mom’s load and enable dad to build stronger relationships with his wife and children.

A lot of time dads aren't purposely uninvolved, they just don't know any differently. They either had a "hands-off" dad or maybe no dad at all as an example. As you read the following article, think of the suggestions as ways to help your hubby learn more about your world and the needs you have for him to fulfill in the parenting and household arena. The most important thing is to remember you are equal partners. You are not a nagging mother who needs to "teach" your husband how to be a better father, you are a loving, supportive partner who wants to help your family function more cooperatively and smoothly.

Give Dad Assignments

Sometimes dads need explicit directions, not because they’re slow or intentionally uninvolved, but because they’re unsure where they might be able to help. Some dads think the moms have it all under control and don’t want to offend mom or upset the system by stepping in. And quite frankly, some dads don’t recognize that mom might need a little help. By giving dad jobs to do, you’ve invited him to help, directing his efforts in a way that not only lightens your load but also gives him a chance to interact more directly with you and the children.

Michelle Sampson (Copperview 4th Ward, Riverton, Utah, USA) has taken time to note those things, on both a daily and weekly basis, she would like her husband to do. This could be something as simple as hanging up his wet towel on the towel rack or making sure his dirty clothes make it to the hamper.

“I think communication is the most important thing," Michelle said. "As women we let it go and let it go. And we get madder and madder, and they have no idea.”

After noting these things Michelle approached her husband and calmly listed those things she would like him to help with. They even went so far as to make a list of all the things they both do everyday, including work outside and inside the home, in order to note discrepancies. After that talk her husband asked her to make a list for him.

“And I have actually made a list of all things that I want him to do on a regular basis. I haven’t given it to him yet,” Michelle said, adding, “It’s a work in progress.”

Establish a Child-load Policy

Let’s face it, whatever type of mother you are, you’re working full-time and then some. Whether you stay at home, work part-time or full-time, you spend more than 40 hours a week working. Most dads work full-time too. Allocating child-load, or the amount of time and/or number of children each of you manage while at home together, can prevent mom from going insane and help dad spend time regularly caring for the physical and emotional needs of his children.

Diane Ogborn (Orem Park First Ward, Orem, Utah, USA) has figured out a system that works well for her when she’s feeling overwhelmed as a mother. She has her husband take either all of the kids for 50% of the time, or half the kids for 100% of the time.

Diane said, “It makes sense, and it’s not an overload on one person.”

She appreciates knowing that when she really needs a break it comes in the form of dad taking over for awhile.

Let Go and Let Dad Do It His Way

Moms have a system that works well for them. Diapers shouldn’t be too loose, kids shouldn’t eat Fruit Loops for dinner, and children shouldn’t be parked in front of the television set for too long.

When you hand a task over to dad he probably won’t do it the same way you would, but that doesn’t make his way wrong. Cringe to yourself if you have to, but let dad do the job his way. If he needs some direction, give it to him gently, but don’t be a drill sergeant condemning his every move. Dad won’t want to help if his attempts are criticized. (And, quite frankly, children will survive an afternoon of loose diapers or a bowl or two of Fruit Loops one Friday night. In fact, the kids might want dad to take over more often.)

Lori Garcia (Shoal Creek Valley Branch, Liberty, Missouri, USA) found that when she needed to give her husband a few pointers, it was best to choose her words well.

"I found that when I said things like 'my baby book says...' or 'it's up to you, but I found that the baby likes it when I do such-and-such,' my husband responds better," Lori said. "No one likes to be micro-managed. I had a boss once that would go over every detail of my work and make suggestions. It drove me nuts. I spend more time with our son and I feel like I'm probably more of an expert in parenting, but that doesn't mean I need to analyze everything my husband does."

Let Dad Do What He Does Best

Some dads are good at helping kids with homework, some might do well encouraging kids to clean up, and some might be good at putting everyone to bed. Also consider ways that dad can include the kids in his most enjoyable activities: playing sports, watching movies or working out in the yard.

Daddy Distractions

Most kids love playing with dad, or working with him out in the yard, or taking a field trip with him to the hardware store, or sometimes even to work. Often, the best thing a dad can do to help is roundup all the kids and distract them for a bit in order to give mom time to either relax or work on non-kid tasks.

Daddy Dates

Scheduling regular “dates” with dad can be a good way to ensure that each child spends quality, one-on-one time with their father. Mike Murdock (American Fork 18th Ward, American Fork, Utah, USA) has monthly dates with each of his children. The child gets to pick an activity he/she wants to do with just Dad.

Mike’s wife Rebecca said, “They each have a week, it goes from the youngest to the oldest, and the kids get to say what they want to and they go and have a fun night, usually at for least three hours.”

They’ve gone rock climbing or hiking, seen movies, gone to dinner or out for ice cream. They usually choose to do things that don’t cost much. In fact, each child gets to spend five dollars, and they get to keep whatever’s left over.

Involve Dad in Bedtime Routines

Reading to children before bedtime is a great way to bond with them. It can also influence a child’s educational success. Unfortunately, some dads miss out due to work schedules or lack of encouragement. Interestingly, some studies show that a father who consistently reads to a child can have more impact on a child’s literacy than that same interaction with the mother (Christina Clark, “Father Involvement and Children’s Literacy Outcomes.” Literacy Today Mar. 2005, 14.). Luckily this positive influence is not limited to bedtime activities. If a dad is unavailable at night, he can be encouraged to read with a child at another, more convenient time. And the reading materials aren’t limited to picture books and middle-grade readers; he can read to a child in more creative ways – road signs, billboards, newspapers, food labels, comic strips.

Lori Garcia says that involving her husband in the bedtime routine has been essential in getting her nightly chores done and allowing him to spend time with their son.

"Before we had kids, a friend told me that her husband always handled bath time. I thought this was a wonderful idea. When we had our son, my husband's been the main bath-giver. It's their bonding time, and it gives me a minute to finish up dishes or just plop down on the bed and watch TV."

Involving dad a bit more may be as simple as inviting him to help. Or it may involve sitting down and talking or including him more in the management of household and child-rearing responsibilities. However you choose to approach the situation, consider what both dad and the kids might be missing out on if you don’t.