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For Karen and Alan Wade (Highland 16th Ward,
Highland Utah West Stake, USA) the journey led them to the
former Soviet-bloc country of Kazakhstan.
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-caseworker,
LDS Family Services
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“We had three children of our own,”
Karen says, “and couldn’t have anymore. Still, we
felt that we wanted more children in our home. We’d read
articles about orphanages and the conditions in them, and about
the many, many children who would never have a family or hope
for a good future. We felt very drawn to the idea and knew we
had to go find a child in an orphanage to adopt.”
After exploring different countries, the Wades
decided on Kazakhstan because once there, they could hand-pick
a child from the orphanage. Even by adoption standards, the
process was long and involved, taking nearly a year to prepare,
including completing mounds of paperwork. Paperwork they needed
for the adoption and for the journey to Kazakhstan itself.
The process was often frustrating for the Wades
because the Kazakh government kept “changing adoption guidelines
on a whim.” Kazakh, like many other countries, requires
both adopting parents to travel to the country to adopt the
child. In addition, one parent must stay in the country at least
a month before taking the child home. Despite the major time
and money commitment, both found much to be grateful for and
learn from.
“It’s a different world,” Karen
says, “and we learned so much about other people and about
how much we have been blessed.”
The Wades search eventually led them to orphanages
nearby Karagonda, Kazakhstan, where they found a 6-month-old
girl they named Ali, and a 7-year-old bright-eyed boy they named
Zach. Now several years later, Ali is in preschool and Zach
is in the fourth grade. The Wades say the adoption process has
enriched everyone in the family as they continue to grow and
bond together.
“Adoption takes a lot of patience and love,
“Karen says, “but after visiting Kazakhstan and bringing
our children home, everything took on a whole new perspective
of what in life is really important.”
According to statistics, many people feel as the
Wade family does. The latest U.S. Census records, which reported
information on adoption for the first time ever, show there
are now 1.6 million adopted children under the age of 18 living
in families scattered evenly across the United States. Seventeen
percent of adopted children are of a different race than their
parents and 13 percent are born abroad. More girls are adopted
than boys, and nearly 10 percent of adopted children have multiple
disabilities. Additionally, the average age of an adoptive parent
is 43. Clearly, adoption has changed the face of many American
families.
To become one of those families, many options
are available. One such option for Latter-day Saint families
is LDS Family Services, a nonprofit, LDS-sponsored organization
operating in 62 offices located throughout the US, Canada, Great
Britain, Australia, Japan and New Zealand. Though not currently
doing international adoptions, except for a couple of pilot
programs, LDS Family Services helps place children into homes
within their own countries where there are worthy and willing
mothers and fathers to raise them. And many of these parents
are finding adoption the way for them to be parents for the
first time.
“One of the greatest blessings of adoption,”
according to one caseworker at LDS Family Services, “is
the joy it brings to couples who now have the opportunity to
parent a child and to have that child sealed to them in the
temple. For many of those, it’s being called Mom and Dad
for the first time.”
To achieve that end, they provides an in-depth
adoption process along with adoption education classes and support
groups. They also offer different types of adoption, from infant
adoption to adoption of older and special needs children. Following
their maxim that adoption is about love, they provide extensive
and free counseling to birth parents and birth grandparents
along with other necessary services. Birth parents are allowed
to look at several adoptive parent profiles and ultimately chose
the parents-to-be. There are several requirements to adopt through
LDS Family Services, some of which are married, hold a current
temple recommend and have a recommendation from their bishop.
To learn more, please contact them at their website: LDSFamilyServices.org.
Another avenue to adoption is through an independent
adoption agency. The basic steps to adoption are similar to
those required by LDS Family Services but without the religious
requirements. For those interested in international adoptions,
an independent adoption agency is ideal. The international adoption
process involves many of the same requirements as a domestic
adoption though there is the additional paperwork required by
the United States government and by the country from which you
will be adopting. In most cases, the adoptive parents must plan
to travel to the chosen country to receive their child. In some
countries such as in Kazakhstan, adoptive parents choose their
child once in the country, in others, parents can choose from
information in booklets or on the Internet. Adoption costs and
waiting periods vary with each country.
However families choose to adopt, foreign or domestic,
infants or older children, they say the blessings of doing so
are many. However blessed the adoptive parents may feel, for
some adoptive children, being taken into an LDS forever families
is the greatest blessing of all. Such is the case for David,
an adult now living in St. George, Utah. Adopted as a newborn
by an LDS family, he was later sealed to his parents in the
Manti Temple.
“My parents have a picture of me at the temple
when I was fourteen-months-old,” David says. “I am
dressed in white and sitting in front of a flower bed outside
the temple. I have just been sealed to my adoptive parents and
all six of my siblings are there also. I feel a great love for
my family and gratitude for the birth mother who gave me up
for a life she knew she could never give me.”
David says that being adopted can also bring challenges.
“Being the only adopted child in a family
of nine children sometimes made me feel that I was the odd man
out, but I knew my family loved me despite that. It was something
I had to accept, being the one who looked different and started
life in a different place than any of my other siblings. Still,
my parents gave me a wonderful life and raised me in the Gospel.
I am sealed to them in the temple. That is the greatest blessing
I can imagine and one I can now give to my children.”
Karen Wade’s two adopted children have also been sealed
to her and her husband in the temple. For them, the adoption
journey continues to hold both blessings and challenges.
“We have had a challenge bonding with Zach,”
Karen says, “because he was almost seven when we adopted
him and he has such a strong personality and [had] some behavior
issues. We were surprised that it really can take several years
to work that out and bond, but it is happening. Karen has this
advice to give others who are looking to add to their family
through adoption: “talk to references about the adoption
agency you plan to use. You must feel completely confident that
they are doing their best to help you and that it isn’t
just a moneymaking business. Also, talk to as many people as
you can who have been through the adoption process so you are
well aware of possible problems, etc. that may come up. But
most of all, pray. The spirit will definitely guide you on where
you ought to go.”
And on a journey such as adoption, the best guide
along the road, to wherever it takes you, is certainly the spirit
of the Lord.
Top
10 Things Not to Say to an Adoptive Parent
10. Don't
assume adoptive parents don't know much about parenting.
9. Don't
inquire into the infertility situation. Adoptive parents don't
always have fertility problems, but if they do, let them be
the ones to initiate the conversation.
8. Don't
ask the child about the adoption. Let adoptive parents be the
ones to share the news of the adoption with the child.
7. Don't
inquire into where each adoptive child "came from."
Adoptive parents will share details at their own pace, if at
all.
6. Be sensitive
to adoptive parents lack of pregnancy and birth experiences.
Instead of sharing labor stories, talk about teething, sleepless
nights and the chicken pox. This way everyone feels part of.
5. Don't
pretend to see family resemblance for adoptive parents and their
children if it doesn't exist.
4. Don't
insert the word "adopted" in front of an adoptive
child's name. She is Jane's daughter, not Jane's adoptive daughter.
3. Don't
discuss the pain it must be for birth parents to "give
away" a child. If it weren't for the courageous and selfless
act of these wonderful young women and men, many parents would
not be able to be parents. Many adoptive parents are so grateful
to birth parents that they pray for them everyday.
2. Refrain
from using the term "real mother." A real mother does
more than give birth. She is there for every sniffle and tear,
joy and pain; she gives a path for her child to travel down
and gives wisdom and direction.
1. Don't
say "your child needs a brother or sister--GO AND GET YOURSELF
ANOTHER BABY."
Please think before you speak. Adoptive parents know that most
people don't have any idea what they've been through. They know
comments are usually meant in the best way and are not meant
to be insensitive or hurtful. Thinking before you speak is a
good way to prevent these situations.
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The Adoption Process
with LDS Family Services
Here is a little timeline of
what to expect through the adoption process with LDS Family
Services:
1. You need to meet with your LDS
Family Services case worker four times. (One time will be what
is called a "home-study" where the case worker will
meet with you in your home.
2. Essay questions. You and your
spouse will respond to approximately 50 essay questions ranging
from personal information about yourself and your extended family.
3. You need to get a physical from
your MD. They will examine you and ask you questions to determine
your health and your ability to care for a child.
4. You employer will need to complete
a form about you and whether you would be a responsible parent.
5. Together, you and your spouse
will write a heartfelt letter that will be passed out to potential
birth parents.
6. You put together a picture collage
of you and your spouse.
7. You complete an income and financial
statement.
8. Together, you and your spouse
fill out a complex sheet of characteristics, diseases, aliments,
of your potential child.
LDS Adoption Websites
>
LDSFamilyServices.org
>
2ofus4now.org
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