We are all daughters of God; heirs to all that He has. We shouted with joy as the plan was presented that would allow us to become as He is. We knew that coming to Earth would bring challenges and trials that would refine us as gold. Our responsibility to each other is to be a support and a source of encouragement to those around us facing challenges.

One of the challenges many sisters face is that of being a single adult in a family centered Church. I have personal experience in this area, but I know that I am not alone. We come in many different packages-never married, divorced with children, divorced without children, widowed-but we all face similar challenges. On days when I feel particularly alone, overwhelmed, and abandoned I am grateful for the sisters in my Relief Society who reach out to me and accept me. Sometimes, admittedly, I refuse their service and comfort because I think to myself, "She has no idea how I feel. She has no idea what being single feels like." Sometimes I have to remind myself that it doesn't matter if someone knows what being single feels like-you can feel alone and overwhelmed no matter what your marital status.

Regardless of our circumstances, we all want to be included and recognized for our talents. When we understand the challenges that are facing those around us, it is easier to address those concerns and extend a genuine offer of friendship.

President Gordon B. Hinckley stated in a fireside to the Single Adults "Somehow we have put a badge on a very important group in the Church. It reads 'Singles'. I wish we would not do that. You are individuals, men and women, sons and daughters of God, not a mass of 'look-alikes' or 'do-alikes'. Because you do not happen to be married does not make you essentially different from others. All of us are very much alike in appearance and emotional responses, in our capacity to think, to reason, to be miserable, to be happy, to love and be loved. You are just as important as any others in the scheme of our Father in Heaven, and under His mercy no blessing to which you otherwise might be entitled will forever be withheld from you. You are precious and important to Him. You are precious and important to the Church. You are precious and important to all of us."

Kathy, Cedar Rapids Stake, Cedar Rapids First Ward stated " The Church approves of us, I think, in the manner that we are addressed. Firm, real attempts are made to include, consult, appreciate, and otherwise involve us in activities."

President James E. Faust said, "Having the vision of our worth and capability is an essential prerequisite to finding fulfillment. We also need vision to glimpse what God intends us to be now and in the eternities."

Patricia, Tucson East Stake, Camino Principal Ward, has found this to be true. "Being single, never married in the church has forced me to grow in the gospel, has forced me to understand that at this time in my life the Lord has not called me to be married, and I am very comfortable with this calling."

DeLene, OKC 1 st Ward, North Oklahoma Stake, feels that the Church has helped her to grow by "giving me the chance of serving others." Carol, of the Grandview Stake, 6th ward, said, "I think one of the best things the Church ever did was strongly suggest that single members who are over 30 attend their home wards. There are many more opportunities in those wards to serve, to influence others for good, to participate in family activities, to associate with those who have families, than in any single ward in the Church. It has helped me realize that from the Church's standpoint, there is no difference between single, married, divorced, single parents, etc., etc. Though we have differences, the Church supports the idea that all of us have the same goal."

President Faust said, "In some ways, those who are unmarried may have more time to devote to Church callings. Less involved in family responsibilities, they can prayerfully select ways to serve that fit their personal circumstances."

Rose of the Colby, KS Branch, Garden City, KS Stake has found this to be the case as she serves as Relief Society President in her branch. "Being single has helped me to serve the Lord in a way that I would not be able to being married and having a family of my own. If I had family as my priority, I would not be able to serve in the same capacity-Physically, emotional and, most of all, spiritually. Right now the Lord needs me to be single to be able to serve others in a way I otherwise would not be able to and for me to grow more spiritually at the same time."

Obviously I would like to be married and have a family of my own, but I am grateful for my own family and for a ward family that are supportive of my needs and also aware of the contributions that I can make. Being single doesn't make me any less capable of visiting teaching, magnifying my calling, and being a friend to the sisters in my ward.

I could spend my time sulking about and complaining about the lot I was given in this life, but I don't have time to spend in such destructive activities. I have talents to develop and share, ward members to meet and befriend, knowledge to gain, and a testimony to strengthen.

President Ezra Taft Benson gave the following suggestions to single adults:

• Be faithful and keep the commandments.
• Study carefully the life of the Savior.
• Make the scriptures your constant companion.
• Realize your personal self-worth.
• Become fully involved in the Church.
• Reach out to others.
• Serve others with all your heart.
• And always be improving yourself.
• Be thankful for blessings.

  Elder Marion D. Hanks, in answer to how single members could help themselves enjoy gospel blessings, said, "Perhaps the focus should be less on 'What is the Church doing for us?' and more on 'What can we do for others?' The Church offers the greatest opportunity known for people to get outside themselves and serve others. The happiest people in the Church, single or married, are those who are reaching beyond themselves in service to their fellowmen."

  Elder John Carmack said, "Look up from your life, and look outward to what you can do to contribute. Strive for balance in your life, and blessings you need will be added to you. Balance includes friendship and love for family and associates, goals and directions, stability and control, good external support systems (family, friends, and Church leaders), obedience to gospel standards, maintenance of high morale, and substantial outward contributions to others."

  
  President Hinckley has counseled that the Single member of the Church "need not be entirely alone. There are many, ever so many in this Church who would reach out to you with sensitivity and understanding. They do not wish to intrude where they are not wanted. But their interest in genuine and sincere, and they bless their own lives as they bless your lives…Welcome their help. They need to five it for their own sakes as well as for your sake."

Those who are married can reach out to the singles in the church by treating them as friends, equals, and as adults. Include them in activities, don't overlook them and invite them to go with you so that they do not need to go alone. Be sensitive to the fact that they are not married. Do not pressure them to get married.

Darlene, of the Orem College 3rd Ward, 2nd Stake, said of the comments that she gets on why she is not married "it often makes me question myself. It is a constant struggle to have confidence in myself and to have faith in the Lord's timing."

We can also better include singles by making sure that talks and lessons regarding the family don't focus exclusively on those who are married with children. Patricia's hardest challenge is that "every lesson is concerning the family."

Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles counsels regarding the blessings of family life, "live whatever portion of the plan [of happiness] you can"

Most of all we need to recognize and be aware that singles do have special needs. If we are a Visiting Teacher of a Single Sister, we need to be especially mindful or their needs.

President Hinckley, in the recent General Relief Society Meeting, said, "My dear friends of the Relief Society, whatever your circumstances, wherever you may live, may the windows of heaven be opened and blessings come down upon you. May you live with love one for another. May you reach down to lift up those whose burdens are heavy. May you bring light and beauty to the world and particularly into your homes and into the lives of your children."

Additional Resources:

To the Women of the Church
Gordon B. Hinckley, "To the Women of the Church," Ensign, Nov. 2003, 113

To the Single Adult Sisters of the Church
Ezra Taft Benson, "To the Single Adult Sisters of the Church," Ensign, Nov. 1988, 96

The Church and Single Latter-day Saints
"The Church and Single Latter-day Saints," Ensign, Mar. 1989, 19

To My Single Friends
John K. Carmack, "To My Single Friends," Ensign, Mar. 1989, 27

Strengthening Young Single Adults
"Strengthening Young Single Adults," Ensign, Sept. 1996, 31

Gospel Anchors in a Sea of Change
Judy C. Olsen, "Gospel Anchors in a Sea of Change," Ensign, Sept. 1996, 44

Singles Programs-- What Makes Them Work?
Elizabeth VanDenBerghe, "Singles Programs: What Makes Them Work?" Ensign, Apr. 1991, 32

Singular Accomplishments
Jonathan H. Stephenson, "Singular Accomplishments," Ensign, June 2001, 40

Singles in the Ward Family
Kathy Grant, "Singles in the Ward Family," Ensign, June 2002, 44

We interviewed some Single Sisters in the Church. Here is what they had to say about being single in a family centered church.

DeLena
What advice would you give others on how to make you feel more included?
Please include us because we are important, too. We need the blessings of being included and we're just as important as anyone else. We have a lot to give.

Patricia (Camino Principal Ward, Tucson Arizona East Stake)
What are the biggest challenges to being single in the Church?
The hardest challenge being single in the church is that it is focused on the family, every lesson, is concerning the family. My ward is mostly young families and then there are the divorced and widowed singles, but there I am, never married and single in a family ward.

How has the Church been supportive of single adults?
All stakes and ward everywhere needs to accept that there will be singles in their wards and stakes and that they need also to help us with feeling that we are loved and accepted as such. Give us a chance to show what we can do, let us hold you babies, let us play with your kids, invite us over to you Family Home Evenings, we promise not to bite!

Rose
What are the biggest challenges to being single in the Church?
The only thing I can really see as a challenge for me is that I do not have the power of the priesthood in my home.

Kathy, (Cedar Rapids 1st Ward, Cedar Rapids Iowa Stake)
What are the biggest challenges to being single in the Church?
I think that the most challenge is finding "purpose" in a church that is so centered on family. But when you realize that we are all family, in the largest and best sense it makes more sense.

How has the Church been supportive of single adults?
Firm, real attempts are made to include, consult, appreciate, and otherwise involve us in activities.

Carol, (Grandview 6th Ward, Orem Utah Grandview Stake)
What is your age and "single" status? 41--never married

What are the biggest challenges to being single in the Church?
Not having a family support system when holding major callings.

How has being single in the Church helped you grow?
I believe that I need to learn as much as I can about being a spouse/parent. The church gives me that opportunity through callings in primary, young women's, relief society, etc., etc. Any opportunity for me to learn something that I do not have an opportunity to learn in my own home, has helped me grow.

How has the Church been supportive of single adults?
I think one of the best things the Church ever did was strongly suggest that single members who are over 30 attend their home wards. There are many more opportunities in those wards to serve, to influence others for good, to participate in family activities, to associate with those who have families, than in any single ward in the Church. It has helped me realize that from the Church's standpoint, there is no difference between single, married, divorced, single parents, etc., etc. Though we have differences, the Church supports the idea that all of us have the same goal.

JoyLynn, (Cherry Hill 1st Ward, Orem Utah Cherry Hill Stake)
What is your age and "single" status? 33--divorced.

What advice would you give others on how to make you feel more included?
There is an ideal that we are to strive for (forever family) but not having that ideal does not make you any less of a contributing member of the church.

Darlene, (Orem College 3rd Ward, Orem Utah College 2nd Stake)
What is your age and "single" status? 30--never married

What are the biggest challenges to being single in the Church?
A big one is the pressure to get married. Everyone seems to think that if you aren't married by your early 20's, then something must be wrong. In fact, I always assumed I would get married early. I have always wanted to be a wife and mother, but it hasn't happened for me yet. But people are always asking me why I'm not married, asking me if I'm too picky, wanting to set me up on blind dates, or just commenting that they can't believe I'm not married yet. There are also the occasional comments include, "That's why you're not married." I know they mean well, and they just don't understand. But with all the comments I get, it often makes me question myself. It is a constant struggle to have confidence in myself and to have faith in the Lord's timing.
Another struggle is with the desire to have children. Of course, the church focuses on families, which is good. I have a great desire to have children, but am unable to as yet. I also wonder if I will ever have the opportunity. Seeing families and children all around is a constant reminder of what I'm missing out on.

How has being single in the Church helped you grow?
I think being single has helped me to not be quite as judgmental of other people and their respective trials.