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“When
saw we thee a stranger…?” Most of us have heard
this scripture many times throughout our lives. However, how
many times have we pondered what this scripture really means?
How many times have we acted, for better or for worse, on this
scripture? Do we lead Christ-like lives and honestly befriend
others or do we only befriend those who are either strong in
the gospel or ripe to convert?
The terms
friendshipping and fellowshipping are bantered about the Church
on a regular basis. Nevertheless, it’s good to realize
that the terms mean different things to different people. One
person may think of friendshipping as a way to get to know his
neighbors, both in and out of the gospel, while another may
think friendshipping is only used when helping along a person
who is converting or may convert at some point in time. The
same thought is applied to fellowshipping. Do you believe fellowshipping
is a calling; something you do to the less active or new families
in the ward? Or do you believe that anyone can benefit from
the act of fellowshipping at any time in their life?
What does
it mean to be a friend and, at the same time, a good member
in the gospel? It means leaving the people around you better
than you found them. It means helping them, providing service
for them and enjoying their many talents. It means that you
are friends – whether or not they ever convert.
Marvin J.
Ashton in the January 1973 Ensign article, “What is a
Friend?” said, “It takes courage to be a real friend.
Some of us endanger the valued classification of friend because
of our unwillingness to be one under all circumstances. Fear
can deprive us of friendship. Some of us identify our closest
friends as those with the courage to remain and share themselves
with us under all circumstances. A friend is a person who will
suggest and render the best for us regardless of the immediate
consequences.”
Understanding
others and their life circumstances is a hallmark of being a
good friend. Proverbs 16:22 says, “Understanding is a
wellspring of life unto him that hath it: but the instruction
of fools is folly.” We do not have to go through every
situation to be understanding towards another. If you have a
friend who is going through a divorce, you can listen. Listening
is one of the simplest ways to show we care. If your friend
needs to vent a little about kids or dating or life in general,
listening can show your empathy for her situation.
“And
to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to
patience godliness.” (2 Peter 1:6) Truly loving our friends
and neighbors will also bring about positive moments in the
lives of everyone involved. The Lord has said that we are to
love our neighbors. Loving, in a Christ-like and gospel sense
means to serve and to have the pure love of Christ at the heart
of everything we do for them. Once we see our friends in the
light of Christ, it is easier to serve and actively participate
in their lives. “…I will pray with the spirit, and
I will pray with the understanding also: I will sing with the
spirit, and I will sing with the understanding also.”
(1 Cor. 14:15)
There is
a Japanese proverb that says, “When the character of a
man is not clear to you, look at his friends”. We need
to make sure we are searching out the very best of people, nonmember
or not. Praying for opportunities of friendship will allow us
the guiding hand of the Spirit in finding friends and in finding
opportunities to serve our friends. We will be guided to know
of those that will uplift us and help us become better people
and warned if the road we are on is a harmful one.
M. Russell
Ballard, in the November 2001 Ensign, said, “If we are
truly disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ, we will reach out
with love and understanding to all of our neighbors at all times,
particularly in times of need…Perceptions and assumptions
can be very dangerous and unfair. There are some of our members
who may fail to reach out with friendly smiles, warm handshakes,
and loving service to all of their neighbors. At the same time,
there may be those who move into our neighborhoods who are not
of our faith who come with negative preconceptions about the
Church and its members. Surely good neighbors should put forth
every effort to understand each other and to be kind to one
another regardless of religion, nationality, race, or culture.”
The gospel
of Christ is about love and tolerance and respect for all. We
are not a people to cast judgment and place conditions on our
friendships. We are one who should love and enjoy the differences
in life, while celebrating the many opportunities to love and
serve our friends and neighbors.
Different
definitions of fellowshipping and friendshipping may be used
by different types of people and one may not be more correct
than the other in technical terms, but as we fashion our lives
as more and more Christ-like, we will see a natural ebb in our
lives toward the service oriented, helpful and most open definitions
of these terms. We will be spurred to practice respect, tolerance
and love for those around us and when we see a stranger, we
will see a potential friend.
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Ideas
on keeping friendships strong:
-set
aside a day a week to catch up on what’s going on with
your friends
-when
you call, make sure you can listen without daily distractions
-remember
important events; don’t be the one to always forget
-friendships
need give and take on both ends
-create
a book club, ethnic food night, or movie night to simply be
together
-introduce
your LDS and non-LDS friends to one another; diversity can make
discussions livelier
-sincerely
ask about their lives, religion, beliefs, etc. Focus on understanding
“Be
courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be
well tried before you give them your confidence. True friendship
is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the
shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation.”–
George Washington
“If
a man does not make new acquaintances as he advances through
life, he will soon find himself alone. A man should keep his
friendships in constant repair."-Samuel Johnson
“You
can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in
other people than you can in two years by trying to get other
people interested in you.” - Dale Carnegie
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